Archive for the ‘Silliness’ Category

The Footprint of a Nut

May 3, 2008

Yep, that’s right…I took this photo because my shoeprint looked like the imprint of a giant peanut. Or at least, I thought so.  And things like that really tickle me.  A lot.   Kind of silly, I reckon.  Perhaps you’re thinking how dull my life must be to be thrilled by a peanut-shaped footprint.  Or maybe you think I’m just a nut.  Or a goober.  That’s O.K., I don’t mind.

I like that even at the age of fifty, I’m easily awed and have a great capacity for wonder because it means I have something wondrous in my life every single day, even if it’s just a footprint that looks like a peanut.

Besides, I really like imagining that very soon, I will look at my blog stats and see that someone has Googled “footprint shaped like a peanut,” and it brought them right to my site.  And they are thrilled to find exactly what they were looking for—the footprint of a goober in the mud. 

The Nut Family’s Christmas Adventures

December 22, 2007

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You might remember the Nut family from a previous post back in the fall.  They were climbing a mountain then–they love to hike.  But I don’t think I properly introduced them:   On the top, to the left, is Tom Nut next to his wife, Beth Nut.  On the bottom, to your left is their daughter, Ariel Nut and her brother Benjamin Nut.

Of course, everyone in the community knows them as Nuts and, in fact, their family tree is full of Nuts.   But they are very close and aren’t the type of nuts to stay in their shells–they love to go on roadtrips. 

So they set out one day in their old Chevy to find a Christmas tree.  

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They took some friends along.  The Nut family doesn’t just hang out with nuts–they have a very diverse group of friends.

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Now Ariel Nut loves to take pictures and sometimes gets so distracted, she doesn’t notice what’s going on around her.  So her mama Beth Nut was always cautioning her:   You need to be more aware and careful.  There are squirrels and other animals out there always on the prowl for Nuts, so you must be alert!    But Ariel Nut would just roll her googly eyes.   (You know how teenage Nuts are!)   Now, the Nuts had nothing against rodents–some of their best friends were rodents, but they were aware that the world was full of Rodents of Unusual Size, who didn’t have their best interests at heart.

So  when they got to the Christmas tree farm, Ariel Nut wandered off as usual, snapping away with her camera.    The rest of the Nut family set out with their friends to find a Christmas tree.  Suddenly, they heard a scream.  It was Ariel Nut!  They all ran in the direction of the scream.  Mama Beth Nut got there first.  She gasped in horror when she saw what had happened–Ariel Nut had been snatched by an evil squirrel! 

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Beth Nut immediately began to throw herself at the squirrel, jumping on his feet, trying to get him to let go of Ariel Nut.  She just could not understand why the squirrel had snatched little Ariel Nut when he already had a giant acorn of his own.   Wasn’t that enough?  Why was he picking on little Nuts?   The squirrel was very irritated, but there wasn’t much he could do.  His hands were full.    But pretty soon, the rest of the Nuts and their friends arrived and all began to charge the squirrel, barking and squealing. 

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The squirrel finally had enough of the Nuts and their friends.  He dropped Ariel Nut on her head and scampered off.  Everyone rushed over to see if she was hurt.  But Ariel was a tough Nut to crack–she was fine.  What a relief!  They all started back to find a Christmas tree.  But soon they heard a rustling in the leaves behind them.  It was the squirrel! 

Quickly, they all piled into the Chevy and Tom Nut careened down the road, driving like…well…a Nut.  The squirrel was in hot pursuit, gaining on them by the second.

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Then Beth Nut had a brilliant idea.  She told Tom Nut, and he swerved into the parking lot of the local grocery.   Their canine friends diverted the squirrel’s attention by nipping at his heels long enough for Beth Nut to run in the store.  She emerged with a jar, opened it, and ran up to the squirrel.  His little pointed rodent nose quivered at the delicious aroma, and he screeched greedily.  He snatched it from her hands and scampered away happily.  At last, he had what he really wanted–Jif, the Holy Grail of Nutdom.  Of course, Ariel Nut managed to snap a picture.

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So the Nut family left the grocery, waving goodbye to the squirrel and shouting, “Merry Christmas!”   They drove back to the Christmas tree farm, found the perfect tree, then headed home with their faithful friends, the tree on the top of the Chevy. 

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So Ariel Nut learned a valuable lesson–that she should listen to Mama Nut, who was always right.    And the whole Nut family learned the value of true friends— the ones who stick by you when you’ve gotten yourself in trouble.  And they all learned that sometimes peace can come without violence.

So from all the Nuts and their friends–may you have a peaceful Christmas of goodwill and love.  And a Happy New Year!

When is Enough Fluff Enough?

December 2, 2007

Ariel, my daughter (aka Lucky Pennies), was recently home from college when we took a walk up on the ridge above our house.  Though we’ve taken this walk hundreds of times, I never tire of it because there’s always something new to see, whether it be a new wildflower blooming in summer or the way the winter sun renders trees into silver filigree.  I was breathing hard, trying to keep up with Ariel (she has developed bionic legs, I think, from walking so much in Chapel Hill) when my eyes caught a shimmer in the slanted, late-fall light.
 
Whoa Nelly!  It was a lovely milkweed pod, fully burst and wondrous in its silky glory.  Fortunately, I’d remembered my camera so I clicked and clicked.  Bionic Girl looked a little restless, tapping her Bionic foot.
 
I finished and we walked on.  “I think that picture might be good for my blog,” I said.  Then I remembered that I’d had at least two posts with the radiant feathery seedpods of  bull thistles. “Or would that be too much fluff?” I thought aloud.

 

Ariel thought for a second.  “Yeah, you’ve had a lot of fluff on your blog.”

 

I looked at her sharply. “Are you saying my blog is fluffy?”

 

“Yep, I’m sayin’ you’ve already exceeded your fluff quota.”

 

“But those were bull thistle pods.  These are milkweed…” I whined.

 

“Fluff is fluff.  And you’ve had…enough.  Enough fluff stuff.”

 

Well.  Okay, Miss Lucky Pennies.  Enough fluff stuff, you say?  Gosh, you didn’t have to be so gruff and rough.   I feel rebuffed.  I’m in a huff.  You think you’re so tough.  Well, I’ve had enough of your guff.

 

So there, Bionic Girl.  It’s my blog and I’ll post fluff if I want to.  :-)

 

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Here are a couple of other sights we saw on our walk, which did meet Ariel’s Non-Fluffy Seal of Approval:

The old log cabin up on the ridge:

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A buckeye butterfly in the grass, torpid from the cold.

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So, what do you think?  Enough fluff stuff?   ;-)

 

******Edited to add:  I did want to assure everyone that the above conversation was entirely light-hearted and playful.  Ariel was referring to all my pictures of pod fluff, not my writing.  She and I both love words and playing with words, so our conversations often involve teasing and wordplay.    So I never wanted to give the impression that Ariel was being critical of my blog.  She has actually been very encouraging, so she was just joking about the fluff.   At least I think she was.  Right, Ariel?   :-)  ******

Friday Fact: A Tip of the Hat to Mr. James Boyle-Inventor

November 9, 2007

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[Illustration from Strange Stories, Amazing Facts  (A Reader's Digest book we found in the dumpster! Also where I got the idea.)]

It must have sometimes been vexing to be a man in Victorian times.  A proper Victorian fellow would always tip his hat to the ladies, even if it wasn’t convenient to do so at the time—if, say, he was carrying an armload of groceries.  How annoying to have to put your parcels down just to tip your hat!

But in 1896, Mr. James Boyle of Washington State came to the rescue of exhausted Victorian gentlemen everywhere when he invented the “self-tipping hat.”  It worked by way of a lifting mechanism activated by the wearer when they bowed “to the person saluted.”  Here are Mr. Boyle’s own words:

“Much valuable energy is utilized in tipping the hat repeatedly and my device will relieve one of it and at once cause the hat to be lifted from the head in a natural manner. It is a novel device, in other words, for effecting polite salutations by the elevation and rotation of the hat on the head of the saluting party, when said person bows to the person saluted, the actuation of the hat being produced by the mechanism within it and without the use of the hands in any manner.”

Well.  His verbosity notwithstanding, I salute Mr. Boyle for his part in “effecting polite salutations” and for saving “much valuable energy.”  I’m all for that!  In fact, I’d like to tip my hat to him.  :-)

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*****A quick note to all of you kind people who inquired concerning my well-being following my bear-hug rib injury:  I am better, I think, thank God.  It stills hurts a bit when I breathe, and I still can’t do any heavy lifting without pain, but the pain is manageable with my favorite wonder drug Excedrin.  (In fact, though I wrote a poem about gathering firewood in my last post, I actually wasn’t able to carry logs this year.)  I did have a bit of a setback last week after a sudden sneeze, but I’m better now (though praying I won’t catch a cold anytime soon!)

So, hopefully, I shall soon be back to my old log totin’ ways.  Thank you for your concern, your thoughts, and your prayers.  I am grateful for them.******

It Ain’t Halloween Without a Haint

October 31, 2007

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Happy Halloween to you and yours!

If you were sauntering along the quarter-mile path we made to meander through our back woods, just as you reached the bottom, first you’d see the big bench we built down there.  It’s where we like to sit and dream (a lot) and cry (sometimes) and watch the shy wood thrushes (my favorite bird).  Then, you might gasp in horror and scream as you espy this fellow on the old dead stump to your right. 

Yes, be afraid.  Be very afraid.

Who is he?  I’ll leave it to you to decide.  Is he that errant hunter who shot his gun just a little too close to our house?  Is he the tourist from Charlotte who owns the million dollar vacation house near us and thinks that entitles him to trespass on anyone’s land because he is a Big Shot?  Is he the guy I caught stealing my ginseng?

Only the animals and trees and spirits of the forest know for sure.  And they’re not telling.  And neither shall I.   Bwaahahahaha!

The Faces That Launched a Thousand Quips

October 14, 2007

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The Nut Family Climbs a Mountain to See the Pretty Leaves.

Feeling a little blue?  I’ve got just the thing.  Cheapest therapy your $6.95 can buy.  It’s  Googly Eyes by the editors of Klutz.  Not only is the book a hoot, with hilarious pictures and clever captions, but it comes with oodles of googly eyes.  (Wow, that phrase is really fun to say!)  Yes, you too can instantly bring common, ordinary household objects alive!  Be the life of the party!  Thrill to the silliness!

It is particularly fun to surreptitiously apply these little googly eyes to items in the homes of friends and family for them to find later after you are gone.  I like to imagine someone finding them after a long, hard day at work and laughing out loud with delight.   (One important caveat:  You shouldn’t have these in a home with children present under the age of three.  The googly eyes are definitely a choking hazard.)

Below are the pictures I took of my own googly-eyed critters.  Yes, those are my groaningly silly captions, with the name of the transformed ordinary object below it.  (I make no apologies for my puns! Read at your own risk!)  The pictures (and captions) in the book are even funnier than mine, but it was more fun to come up with my own, even if they’re not as humorous.  At least they made us laugh.  A lot.  But then, we are easily amused.

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Leaf me alone!

(Leaf.  Duh.)

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Its bark is worse than its bite.

(Knot in tree)

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A flowering friendship.

(A coneflower.  Duh again.)

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“I’ve just gone to seed.”

(Dead coneflower.)

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An enlightened fellow.

(Lamp.)

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Just handle it!

(car door handle)

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I am knot!

(Knot. In tree.)

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I’m a little gaseous!

(Propane tank cover.)

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Oooh, my eyes are watering!

(Watering can.)

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Hair today; gone tomorrow!

(Downy seeds of bull thistle.)

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You turn me on!

(That’s right.  A lamp)

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A well-matched pair!

(Salt and Pepper shakers)

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Orange-Crested Sharp-Beaked Cutterbird

(Umm…scissors)

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Socket to me!

(O.K.  I’ll let you guess on this one.  Hee, hee)