Summer at the Doublewide Ranch: An Update

(Why, yes…that IS a pink flamingo in the background!)

I’m finding it hard to write these days.  Even emails…and the comments I leave on your blogs.  You’d be surprised how long it takes for me to write those comments, as ordinary and dull as they sometimes are.   I’m not sure why I’m struggling so, but whatever the reason, I did want to give you a small glimpse of our lives this summer here at the Doublewide Ranch–in pictures.  If a picture really is worth a thousand words, then here are 10,478 of them. 🙂

(Notice there are TWO monarchs here.  Monarchs in love?)

(I love that morning glories will claim anything they can reach.)

(Cosmos and the cosmos)

I also thought some of you might want to know how Ariel and Benjamin are doing.  Ariel is feeling much better, though she does feel quite tired in the evenings.  But who wouldn’t with full-time school, part-time work, and lots of trips back and forth from Chapel Hill to Raleigh where her fiance works and lives? Benjamin’s broken back seems to be healing well, especially considering he walks miles a day all over campus, lugging books and laptops and such.   Thank God the young are fast healers.   Physically, at least.

But the heart’s a little trickier.  If only a broken heart were as simple as a broken back and you could rest in the assurance that that broken heart will knit itself back together in a few months time, with a little extra care.  But, of course, nothing’s simple when it comes to the spirit.

Benjamin is feeling sad.  I wasn’t going to mention this, but it occurred to me that not mentioning it implies that I think there’s shame in being depressed.  But there’s not.  And I don’t.  It’s been a tough year for my boy, and…well…life has never been easy for him.  Sometimes, the world is not kind to those who are different.  Really, it’s hard for any of us to be completely “ourselves”  because we are so often burdened by other’s expectations of us. But it’s especially hard when you’re autistic, as Benjamin is,  and you’re constantly expected to adapt yourself to a world you don’t completely understand. 

Benjamin is the bravest and strongest person I know, but he’s struggling these days.  And there’s no shame in that.  And there’s no shame in my being honest, either, even if reading this makes some uncomfortable.  I simply cannot manage a pretense of happiness right now.  

So I’m asking for your very special prayers for a very special child of God–my beloved son, Benjamin.   May he know how much he is loved–by his family, by his many friends, by my readers who have come to know him through my posts.  But even more, may he know how much he is loved by his Creator, his Heavenly Father, who sent him to us so that he might shine his unique and lovely light in our lives and in this world. 

And Benjamin’s light  is a beautiful, blessed, and holy light indeed.  May he always see and know that, too.

56 Responses to “Summer at the Doublewide Ranch: An Update”

  1. Pat Says:

    What a treat to see you pop up in my Google Reader right before my eyes. I love your pictures; they are beautiful as always.

    I’m so glad you posted an update. Sending many positive thoughts out to the ranch for you and your family.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      It was a treat to hear from you, Pat! Thank you for your kind words and for your positive thoughts–we value them.

  2. clairz Says:

    Beth, I don’t know exactly how this can be since we’ve never met, but you and your family are always in my thoughts. What joy to know that you are there, taking pictures of flowers and looking for the good, even when the times might be a bit bad. Best to you and yours and I know that for anyone with such a shining light inside things will get better.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      It’s interesting, Clair…as a Christian, I’ve never found anything in the Bible that supports re-incarnation, but I do wonder sometimes how to explain the deep connection I sometimes feel to people I’ve never met (in person anyway). People like you. I marvel at that deep connection…and am grateful for it. And I am grateful for your good thoughts—thank you.

  3. Chris Says:

    Thank you for posting. It’s good to hear from you. I hope the writing comes easier for you soon. You have such talent, I assume you could just let it fly and tidy it up later, but I know nothing is ever that easy. I like your pictures too.

    I hope and pray that Benjamin’s heart is lifted and supported in peace and joy. Being a young adult today must be terribly stressful. May all our children find a navigable path.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Hi, Chris. I really love the way you expressed that—“…that Benjamin’s heart is lifted and supported in peace and joy.” That was beautiful. I hope and pray for that, too.

      Thank you for your kind words about my writing. I wish I could “just let it fly.” I guess that’s part of my problem—I get seized up with trying to make my writing perfect. Which it never is, but I can’t seem to stop trying to make it so. I’m working on changing that, but it’s hard.

      Thank you so much for your good thoughts.

  4. Elora Says:

    Yes, Beth! How lovely to have you (as Pat says)”pop up on my Google Reader.” Sending subliminal messages of strength and love your way for Benjamin, Ariel, and you..

    Elora

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      And it’s lovely to hear from you, too, Elora. Thank you very much for all those good vibes you’re sending our way—we appreciate them.

  5. Betsyfromtennessee Says:

    Oh Beth, My heart hurts for you all—you as the Mama and Benjamin as the son. I know that life is hard –but look how far he has gone… Some autistic children never can make it to college… He’s AMAZING.

    Is he on medication for his depression? Maybe that will help –but I truly don’t know. I do know that I will keep him (and you) in my thoughts and prayers…

    As a mother, I know that you hurt for your son… You want to ‘fix it’–but you can’t. He now has to find a place in this crazy life –and he alone can find his place… All you can do is to be there for him –and pray for him…

    All of us will pray for him (and you)….. God Bless YOU, Beth, and your fabulous family… Your pictures are fabulous. I love your area of NC… That one picture with the fog is fabulous.

    Email me anytime you need to talk. I am here for you.
    Much Love,
    Betsy

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Hi, Betsy. So true…as a Mama, it is so painful to see your children suffer. Especially when they’ve walked such a difficult path in the past—you just want the path to be easier for them, you know? It’s hard sometimes to understand why some have to travel such a rocky, muddy path but others seem to have the way paved smoothly for them. As a friend of mine said once, “It sucks.”

      But it sure helps when others reach out their hands to help you when you stumble or you’re tired. Thank you for extending your hand, Betsy, and for your love.

  6. Nancy Says:

    Oh, Beth, I’m so thankful for your post! What a lovely gift on such a dreary day. And it’s made more special with the knowledge of the effort it took to post and reach out to us all.

    You and Benjamin are both such special, dear treasures. You and he are like the little ant- shouldering much more than anyone would think possible and marching forward. I do think of you all frequently and wonder how you are. Please know how loved you all are.

    Nancy

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      And I am so thankful for your comment, Nancy. Especially in the face of your own grief. My prayers for you and your family.

      I love your ant analogy. I’ve always enjoyed watching ants (I did it often when I was small). And I’ve always admired their hard work and perseverance even in the face of hardship. We can learn a lot from the animal kingdom.

      Thank you so much for you good thoughts and for your love—we are grateful.

  7. Jes Says:

    Beautiful pictures as always–they certainly made my rainy/gray day much brighter! And the update is wonderful; I’m so glad your kids are doing better one the whole, even if Benjamin is struggling. My love and thoughts to both of them still, and to you as you support them!

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Thank you, Jes. Yes, we do have a great deal to be thankful for…and we are. I am very thankful that their bodies have healed so quickly and well. Thanks so much for sending good thoughts and love our way—it is much appreciated.

  8. Sharon Says:

    Your photos show what I’ve known for a long time: you truly live in Heaven! Your flowers are incredible, and the views are incredible. I’d love to sit on that porch swing and try a Moon Pie. You know that I have all of you in my thoughts all the time, and I will certainly hold Benjamin especially close. You know, I was often depressed in college, too, and I didn’t have the challenges Benjamin has had to shoulder. If love can change things, you can see by these comments from everyone how much you and all of your family are loved.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Oh, thank you, kind friend…I DO believe that love can change things! I’ve seen it happen. And even when that change is not immediately apparent, I believe that love is still always present, working its good magic.

      And, yes, sometimes I do feel like I live in heaven. I felt it just this morning, out on the porch at 5:45AM watching the first rays of the sun peek over the mountains. If only I’d had a Moon Pie to eat! 🙂 I haven’t eaten a Moon Pie on the porch swing lately, but I did sit there recently eating fresh apple bread right out of the oven. Pretty close to heaven…

      Thank you for your love, Sharon.

  9. Bonnie Jacobs Says:

    It was so good to see your blog post making an appearance on my sidebar! I love your pictures. This time I’m smitten by the second one (shades of pink and shadows on the wall) and the third one (the mystical bird who looks like a fantasy). As usual, I love your attitude: “Why, yes…that IS a pink flamingo in the background!” And of course, I’ll pray for Benjamin — and you. Keep taking photos: moon over the mountains, butterflies in love, morning glories claiming the porch swing. So good to see what you were up to this summer.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      You know, Bonnie, those two photos are two of my favorites, as well. I’m so pleased at your description of the “mystical bird” because that’s almost exactly the way I described it to Tom. For some reason, when I took that shot, I felt a deep sense of the holy. And, of course, I have adored watching my cleomes (the flowers in the shadow shot) grow and change this summer. I really love those flowers—they have a special place in my heart.

      Thank you so much for your prayers for us, Bonnie.

  10. Jayne Says:

    Hello my sweet friend. So lovely to see you here and to see the beauty that is there around you. I smiled broadly as I scrolled through your beautiful photos. Well, I guess I don’t have to tell you that my heart aches for Benjamin, and you, for I know the struggle somewhat. I suppose the difference is Sam doesn’t care that he’s different and does not “fit in.” I hope these feelings of sadness will pass as he can focus on those who DO understand and ARE there for him and are his friends. Love and warm hugs to you. XOXO

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Hello to you, too, my kind Georgia friend! I appreciate your nice words about my photos—that means a lot coming from someone who takes the amazing shots you do.

      Even though Benjamin’s and Sam’s autism manifests inself in different ways, it is a great comfort to me to have a friend who understands the heartache of seeing your child struggle so in navigating the world. Thank you for your understanding, your love, and for your friendship—I am grateful for it.

  11. southernlady64 Says:

    Hi Beth!!!!!!! I am so glad to see a post from you. I have missed your writing and hope you will get your desire to write back again soon. The pictures are wonderful. I have missed your pictures, too. The one with the moon over the moutains and the one of the swing on your porch are my favorites. You know I love the view from that porch! It is good to hear how things are going with you and your family. I will pray for Benjamin and your entire family. I am glad Ariel is feeling better. I know what it is to worry about your children. Thinking of you always and wishing you the best. Love and hugs.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Hi, Judy! Thank you for saying such nice things about my writing and my photos. I do feel blessed to live amongst such beauty—it makes taking nice pictures an easy task, even with a point-and-shoot.

      Thank you for your good wishes and for your prayers, Judy. I often think of you and your family, too, and will keep you in my prayers. I am very glad you are my friend.

  12. Kelli Says:

    Hi. I stumbled upon your site quite by accident, and after I saw your photos and read some of your thoughts, I feel a sort of “kindred spirit” might be brewing between us. I also live in the country and truly love & appreciate all of God’s beautiful wonders. I am an artist and full-time mom at the moment. Your writings are so honest and beautiful, and I want to encourage you to continue with them. Writing can relieve the soul and heart, I have found, and others might benefit from your words. Nice to meet you.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      It’s nice to meet you, too, Kelli! Anyone who loves and finds joy and delight in God’s natural world is surely a kindred spirit of mine! You are blessed as an artist to have the talent to capture God’s beauty for others. Are you a painter?

      Thank you for your kind words about my writing. My writing IS truly honest, and I trust there is a certain beauty in that. And every time I click the “Publish” button, I pray that God will use my few words to bless someone in some small way. It’s always a blessing to me when I hear that it has.

      • Kelli Says:

        Hi again, new friend.
        I used to paint quite a bit in art college and afterwards for a while, but these days I am dabbling in making handmade jewelry and original art dolls. I have some at a local gallery, and I’m getting so much positive feedback & sales. It’s so encouraging, and I love to go in and work there, as it is an artist’s co-op, because i get to meet and talk to so many different kinds of people from around the world. I just love being in an artistic environment. I guess it’s the way the Lord has built me. He’s quite the great designer Himself, you know. LOL

        I admire your photographs. They have such subtle beauty in them. I can tell that you love nature and being outside whenever you can. Have you ever experimented with black & white photography? I’m sure you would do well at it also.

        You must have a tender heart that’s full of patience. I do not know much about Autism, but I have always had a soft heart for people who are depressed, especially since I have experienced it myself. It’s not a fun place to be. I feel there’s always an answer, whether it’s through God & prayer and/or safe medications that can help a person to lead a happier life. There’s so many good things to experience here, and so many people just waste their lives blaming others, looking in the wrong places, or just dwelling on their pasts, but I think that happiness is possible through God. He can help us through anything. Now, I must heed my own words!
        Take care. Enjoy the Autumn season. It’s so pretty outside now.

  13. CountryDew Says:

    How nice to see a post from you, Beth. The photos are lovely and the sentiments are as well, as always. I am hoping for the best of the world for you and yours. May God grant you all serenity.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Thank you, Anita! I often pray for serenity—to be content whatever our circumstances. Sometimes, it’s hard. I appreciate your prayers and good thoughts for us and your kind words.

  14. Clara Melvin Says:

    Hi Beth, it was so good to see a comment from you on my blog! Your pictures are awesome as usual. You have a way with the camera the same as you do with words. Like someone else said….you brightened this dull and dreary day for me. I certainly will say a prayer for Benjamin. He is a very special and courageous young man. I’m sure God has great plans in store for him. May his spirit be lifted and his sadness be gone. I know what it is to worry about your children….and then the grandchildren come along and there’s no difference how you worry about them. I’ve done enough worrying to last me a lifetime. Know that we all love you and I pray the coming days are bright and happy for you and all of your family!!!!

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Hi, Clara! It’s always nice to hear from you. I feel so pleased and happy when someone says that something I wrote or something I captured with my camera brightened their day. It always makes me feel like I’ve made at least a small difference in the world. That means a lot to me.

      I know that you do understand my heartache…and I’m very grateful for that. And I’m grateful for your love, your prayers, and all those good thoughts. Thank you, Clara.

  15. Martha Says:

    Beth, I’m so happy to be ‘reading’ you again. Even if you only write once or twice a year, I am there! The photos are absolutely lovely; they added colour to my otherwise gray day (it’s been rainy and miserable allllll day long). It looks like you live in heaven. Is it possible you’re an angel? 🙂

    I’m sorry to hear about Benjamin. He’s had a rough ride, after all, and no matter how strong he is, every now and then he needs to put down the cross he bears to take a rest. Everyone’s battery runs out sooner or later and it needs to be recharged. With the love of his family and his own strong character, he will stand up straight once again.

    I know that God will help him get back on his feet, and that he loves him. After all, he made sure he has YOU as a mother, didn’t he? I will pray for him; he’s an incredible young man that is an inspiration to all of us. Look how far he’s gone. I know that a lot of it has to do with all the love and support he received from his family, but plenty of it also comes from within him – his strength, his determination and his love of life.

    It’s unfortunate, Beth, that the world can be so cruel. Sadly, we have to share space with individuals that derive some sick pleasure out of causing pain to others. I wish things were different (sigh), but that’s the way it is.

    I wish for Benjamin to feel better soon, and I wish the best for you and your family. Here’s a big {{{{{{{hug}}}}}} for you from Kingston, Ontario. We all need some of those now and again.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Hi, Martha! I had to smile at the idea that I might be an angel—I don’t think angels are quite as cranky as I can be sometimes and I’m pretty sure they don’t rant and rave about the state of the world like I do. Or eat too much ice cream or cookies, as I am prone to do. But I do feel sometimes like I live in heaven. 🙂

      What a wonderful comment—your words mean the world to me. I like your image of putting down the burdens we bear and taking rest. God calls on us to lay our burdens at His feet. I do that, but soon pick them back up again, silly pilgrim that I am. I’m glad that God is patient with me.

      And I’m glad for friends like you. Thank you for your words, for your love, and for that great big hug. Aaahhh…that felt wonderful. 🙂

  16. Ruth Says:

    Lovely pictures, honest words…without the darkness, it would be difficult to appreciate the light, without sadness, joy. I always find great comfort in difficult times from these words–

    Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3: 5&6

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Hi, Ruth! Your words are lovely, too…and I thank you for them.

      That’s one of my favorite verses, too. It is SO hard not to lean on your own understanding. As humans, we want to understand why we’re going through such hardship. So we think and think, trying to figure things out (at least I do. I think WAY too much). I do pray that I can learn to truly trust God with ALL my heart. It’s a challenge.

      Thanks again for your kind words. And for your thoughts and prayers.

  17. sweetflutterbys3 Says:

    Hi Beth! Good to hear from you. Your writing is always great, even if you don’t feel it. Your worst writing is better than my best anyday! You just have talent to say things in such a way that it pulls others in.

    Those pictures are unbelievable! You truly do live in paradise on Earth!

    I’m so sorry about Benjamin but I am glad you shared what is happening. My son is also autistic and though he is no longer on the spectrum, he still struggles day to day with interacting with the world. He is only 7 years old so he is not as aware of things as your son is, but I worry about his future when he will be out there away from me and my protection.

    I will pray for Benjamin and your family, that he feels better and that your family has strength to help him through this tough time. Let us know how he is doing.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Hi, Mary Ann! You’re very kind to say such nice things about my writing. I like your writing,too—you really do choose some of the best recipes and you always manage to find the most fitting quotes to go along with them. I love it!

      I will keep your son in my thoughts and prayers. He already has a lot going for him to have such a loving and supportive Mom and Dad. But it’s hard to see our children struggle so, isn’t it? I know with your help, love, and support, he’ll do well and will have the confidence and bravery to navigate the world.

      Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers for my boy and for us—I appreciate them so.

  18. anita Says:

    Benjamin is in my prayers—as are you and the rest of your family. I hope things will brighten for you all soon.

  19. blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

    Later, when I have more time, I want to respond to each of you individually, but for now, let me just say how grateful I am for your kind and compassionate comments. Your comments, your prayers, and your positive thoughts for our family mean more than you can imagine. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    Beth

    Added later: Well, now that I have answered each of you individually, I wanted to say what a blessing it has been to read your comments again. I cried, then I smiled, then I cried again. Thanks again for taking the time to encourage me—it really has meant so much.

  20. June Says:

    As always, both your photos and your words are beautiful. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family…

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Thanks, June! That sure means a lot, coming from someone who takes the amazing photos you do.

      And your thoughts and prayers mean a lot, too. Thank you.

  21. eemilla Says:

    I really love your morning glories, and the photo with the bank of fog looks like the best spot to greet the day. I wish Benjamin well.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Thanks, Eemilla! Even though my morning glories run amok, I still love them and the way they are such lovely little vessels of light. And, yes, my porch swing is a perfect place to greet the day. I try to sit there every chance I get.

      Thank you for your good wishes.

  22. Debi Says:

    There is nothing wrong with being depressed. We all get depressed now and then. I’d admire you for posting about it. You’re right, keeping it quiet means you think there’s something wrong with it. And THAT often makes the situation worse. Everybody has something. Benjamin has autism and a back injury. But I’ll tell you what else he has. He has an amazing mother who touches the hearts of everyone who crosses her path.

  23. blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

    Awww…thank you, Debi. What a lovely thing to say! Benjamin has been an inspiration to me…and he makes it easy to be a good mama. I have learned a lot from him about courage and perseverance. I am grateful for that.

    And I’m grateful to you for your kind and encouraging words—thank you so much.

  24. Robin Says:

    Dear Beth, I’m was so glad to see a post from you. I’ve missed you but understand that sometimes we just have to pull back and hang on with all our might as we wait on The Lord to bring us through a valley. I will certainly keep your family in my prayers, especially your beloved Benjamin. My 23 year old son is also suffering from depression and a broken heart at this time. I sleep with a Bible by my pillow and cling to Isaiah 40:30-31 and to a passage I read and pray for my children almost daily: Ephesians 3:14-21.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Hi there, Robin. I’m so glad you commented. My heart goes out to your son and to you as you lift him up in prayer. I will pray for him, too, and for you. I love both the Bible passages you mentioned, especially verse 31 in Isaiah (which I underlined long ago in the Bible I’ve had since I was a teenager) and verses 17-19 in Ephesians. It’s hard to wait on the Lord, isn’t it? May we all renew our strength as we wait upon the Lord and be rooted and grounded in the love of Christ.

  25. Kelli Says:

    Hi. I was just checking in to say “hello” and was wondering how you were doing. I pray that you and your family are just dandy.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Hi there, Kelli. I’m really happy to hear from you again. I was very interested and glad to hear that you have found your niche as an artist—what a blessing! It was also encouraging to know that you’ve found a welcoming and supportive artist community. I know that that is not always the case in the sometimes competitive world of visual art, so it’s lovely to hear of your positive experience. I know that being in such a creative atmosphere must give a spark to your own creativity. I wish I could find something similar in writing. I’ve heard many writers talk about how helpful a writing group has been to them, so I’m always on the lookout for compatible fellow writers that I could start a group with.

      You are so kind to check in with me and my family. Benjamin has been home for fall break, and it’s been wonderful to be able to talk to him and feed him Mama’s home cooking! He has just started medication, so I’m hopeful that it will be helpful. Thank you so much for your prayers and for caring about us–it means a lot.

      Your new friend, Beth

  26. colleen Says:

    You got the capture of the season with the two monarchs kissing! I love the pastel color of the bird and the swing chair view. The pink flower looks like it is floating in mid air. I DO hope Benjamin feels lighter soon. Hugs!

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Thank you, Colleen! Yes, I was so thrilled to see the monarchs mating—I’ve never seen that before. It was especially neat that they mated on the heart-shaped morning glory leaf. 🙂 I’m glad you liked the cosmos flower. They have been so beautiful here this year. Still blooming profusely though we’ve had nearly freezing temperatures. And so HUGE this year—big as saucers! I loved having the chance to label the picture of the cosmos against the sky “Cosmos and the cosmos.” I’m kind of silly that way.

      Thanks also for your good wishes for Benjamin. Our family is grateful for your good thoughts.

  27. Kelli Says:

    Beth,
    Thinking of you this morning and hoping you and your family are peaceful and wonderful.
    Did you get to photograph any of the beautiful Autumn splendor in your area?
    This week, I went to a planetarium with my 18 year old daughter, and it was just magnificent. It made me feel incredibly blessed and happy and in so much awe of the Creator and this universe. It instantly gave me a close feeling with God. This might sound a little silly, but it’s true.
    You… please take care my dear. I must get busy around here. Much to do.
    Warmly,
    Kelli

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Hi, Kelli! No, that doesn’t sound silly at all. I almost always feel closest to God when I’m experiencing the sheer grandness and wonder of His creation. Sometimes I like feeling small! 🙂 That’s one of the many reasons I love the mountains so.

      And speaking of the mountains, yes, I have taken a few photographs of the Appalachian autumn, though I never quite feel like I’ve really captured the feeling I get looking at it. I guess I’ll just have to keep trying!

      Thanks so much for saying Hello…it means a lot to know that someone is thinking of me. I appreciate it.

      Your friend, Beth

  28. LindaW. Says:

    What beautiful photos! Thanks for posting them.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Thank you, Linda! My camera’s just a point-and-shoot, but I enjoy capturing the wonders I see. I appreciate your stopping by my blog.

  29. Clara Melvin Says:

    Hi Beth, I was thinking of you this morning and wondering how you and your family are doing. Hope everything is well. I want to send you an e-mail. Would you care to give me your e-mail address? Write to me at ******* Have a wonderful day !

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Hi, Clara! Thank you so much for thinking of me and my family. I’ve been thinking of you, too, and praying that God might give you strength and rest as you carry such a heavy burden. And, of course, I’m happy for you to have my email (which I sent to you earlier). God bless you, Clara.

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