What We Did on Our Autumn Vacation–From the Ridiculous to the Sublime

Part One: The Ridiculous (SILLY POTTY PUN ALERT!!!  READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!)

shiny new potty blog

(Our shiny new toilet)

Blue Ridge Blue Collar Man and I went on vacation last week. Of course, I guess, in modern jargon, you’d call what we did a “stay-cation.” After all, we slept in our own bed every night. But we barely did a lick of work all week, ate a lot of junk food, slept in, and had great fun, so it was a vacation to us. And when you live in Paradise, staying home really isn’t so bad.

As regular readers know, Blue Ridge Blue Collar Man dearly loves a roadtrip. So, naturally, we went out most every day. Even on the days we were running necessary errands, it was fun because…well…we have fun every time we go out together, whether it’s to buy a toilet or to hike up a mountain. And we did both on this vacation!

Yes, we started our vacation with a bang when we went to our local home improvement store to look at toilets. They had them lined up with spotlights shining on them, like automobiles in a showroom. There were at least twenty or more there, arranged on the commodious warehouse shelves, gleaming in all their glossy porcelain glory. It seemed a waste though that the toilets were high up on a shelf out of reach. I’m not privy as to why they do that—are they actually afraid people would sit down and try them out (take them for a test drive, so to speak) if they kept them on the floor?

A lot of people these days raise a stink about the fact that we’re having a movement towards low-flow toilets and pooh-pooh the idea, but we were ready to take the plunge. We were bowled over, but flushed with excitement at all the choices. But in the end, we decided to go with the flow and use the…umm…process of elimination to choose our toilet. Our #1 choice was one that boasted of being able to flush 20 golf balls. I mean, what a comfort to think that if we accidentally flushed a bucket of golf balls, that they would go down the first time! That’s sort of like twenty holes-in-one!

But that one was a little out of our price range (sort of like golf.) So we settled on #2, the one that said, “Rated Best Flush!” on the box. After all, like they say—a Royal Flush beats a Full House every time!

The excitement continued when we got home and went to install it (even though we were a little wiped out.) No problem doing the job—all you need is a “Can Doo” attitude. Anyone that tells you otherwise, well, they’re full of it. When we were finished, we were so excited that we had to sit down. But in the end, after we got to the bottom of things…everything came out alright.

Part Two: The Sublime (This story guaranteed pun-free.)

graveyard fields path blog

Well, if you’re still reading, after that shocking display of potty pun humor, I’ll tell you about our trip to Graveyard Fields on the Blue Ridge Parkway. It’s a lovely place with two good-sized waterfalls (three, if you count nearby Skinny Dip Falls). Unfortunately, not a single picture I took of the waterfalls turned out, and I’m not skilled with photo-fixing software. So, if you want to see some decent pictures of Graveyard Fields and the waterfalls, go here.   Or for lots of wonderful pictures of waterfalls, you should check out my friend Betsy’s blog.

Unfortunately, too, all the trees were bare up there, so there wasn’t much bright color to excite the eye. But there was beauty to witness and capture nevertheless—in all the shapes and patterns that Mother Nature provides in any season. In the bark of trees, in shifting shadows, in sunlight in and out of clouds sweeping across the mountainside, and in the swirls and eddies and sparkles that the wind and sunlight make in the clear water that washes clean the river rocks. That was what thrilled us most all day—watching the interplay of sunlight, rocks, water, and wind. Even though the bright colors of autumn were gone and even though we never captured the true beauty of the waterfalls, we didn’t mind. Because there was such beauty and life and energy in the swirling current, in the eddies of the river, in the scintillating water. In the sunlight, in the rocks, in the water, in the wind. All we needed was right there.

Fire. Earth. Water. Air.

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27 Responses to “What We Did on Our Autumn Vacation–From the Ridiculous to the Sublime”

  1. Dr. Pun Says:

    My dear Blue Ridge Blue Collar Girl, I can scarcely contain myself in my joy in your dazzling display of potty pun virtuosity—you are a whiz. I am utterly inflatuated—thank you. Your potty pun post was truly a gas.

  2. A Concerned Reader Says:

    Dr. Pun, is there no end to your quackery? As usual, you are ducking the obvious diagnosis: Obsessive/Compulsive Punnery Disorder. Blue Ridge Blue Collar Girl obviously has a lack of control—she seems unable to hold it in, no matter how much her puns…well…stink. I fear this potty pun post could make her the butt of jokes.

  3. tychy Says:

    puns are the lowest form of wit. nice photos tho.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Hello, tychy. Ouch. So sorry if my puns offended you. I should mention that this isn’t the first time I’ve indulged in punnery and it won’t be the last, so you’ll likely want to avoid my blog in the future. :-) I love words and I love wordplay—it delights me even if it doesn’t always delight others. I did want to note that William Shakespeare had over 3000 puns in his plays—he obviously didn’t find puns to be the lowest form of wit. Neither did John Donne. Neither does Dr. Pun.

      I’m glad you liked my photos.

    • wesleyjeanne Says:

      wow, that was kind of mean. and uncalled for.
      I think insults are the lowest form of wit.

    • Ariel Says:

      I agree with Wesley, tychy. And dare I say it,

      POOey on you.

    • Benjamin Says:

      Tychy, honestly that tempts me to pun you to death, but I’ll be nice–
      suffice it to say that she has added some punshine to my day.

  4. Connie Says:

    Loved your photo’s. And your potty puns were fun.

  5. WaterRoots Says:

    Beth, how you can make a story about toilet-buying so interesting and entertaining is astonishing and extremely impressive. He he he… I was laughing all the way through. Your Blue Ridge Blue Collar Man and you sound like my small-city-loving-guy and me; hubby and I have a blast together no matter where we go or what we’re doing. He’s my best friend and the best company around.

    And do not apologize for your puns. If someone doesn’t like them, they don’t have to read your stories or visit your blog. There are a gazillion blogs out there; I’m sure there’s something for people who don’t like puns. This is your blog; pun to your heart’s content.

    Oh, and those are beautiful photos. You really do live in paradise.

  6. wesleyjeanne Says:

    I love Graveyard Fields! My dad used to take me up there in the late summertime to pick wild blueberries.
    I’ve been wanting to go back since we moved back to the mountains and your post is making me hanker for it more.
    Lovely photos. Lovely writing.

    And the puns are funny. You didn’t make any about the *other* use of a toilet, tho’–many many throw-up puns await.

  7. Betsy from Tennessee Says:

    Hi Beth, I laughed at your “Potty Post”…. I’m flushed and bowled over with that post… ha ha …. IF I provide the golf balls, will you try that one????? ha ha

    We have been to Graveyard Fields –but only saw one waterfall there. I will email it to you –if you want to use it…. Thanks for mentioning me in your blog. That made me feel special…

    Cute post–as usual… Glad you all had a nice vacation at home!!!! Bet you saved some money sleeping in your own bed…
    Hugs,
    Betsy

  8. Jayne Says:

    Now, only you my friend can take purchasing a new potty and make it so utterly adorable!!!! Hey, I wonder if anyone has ever tried to flush the 20 golfballs? Surely… you know how men are… you know it’s been attempted!

  9. Judy Says:

    By the time I got to the golf balls I was laughing out loud sitting here all by myself! I love the puns and you are the pun queen. I don’t know how you do it. The photos are wonderful. That rail fence made me want to be there walking along beside it. Sounds like a great week and you will have some good memories. There is nothing like being out in the woods in the fall of the year.

  10. eaglefike Says:

    Nice picture, and very interested place

  11. Happysinger Says:

    Sometimes clicking “next blog” leads me into special places where I can understand the language, feel the peaces (and humour) and appreciate the photso & text. Thank you BRBC girl!

  12. Debi Kelly Van Cleave Says:

    Toilet # 1 would also work if you ATE a bucket of golf balls. Because who would flush perfectly fine golf balls?

    So you mean we can’t sit on the toilets? I need a new toilet but I’m sorry Beth–I have to try them out. There is a big difference you know. I had big problems up at my mom’s for that month. Things kind of got a little clogged up if you know what I mean because the angle of the back of her toilet just didn’t jive with the height of the basin. It wasn’t pretty. Think they’ll take them down for me if I ask?

  13. Ariel Says:

    I have never heard so many wonderful potty puns in my life. That’s why your response section is “clogged” with delighted commenters! I too am bowled over by your post.

    I hope to see Graveyard Fields with y’all soon. Your waterfall ones might not have come out, but the rippling water shots sure did. They’re lovely. I can’t wait to go hiking with y’all. And I can’t wait to come home for Thanksgiving! I love y’all. :) And I’m glad you had a good week.

  14. colleen Says:

    I love this potty humor/innuendo/word play. You are very good at it. One of my favorite photography coups was when I took a photo of an old toilet filled with sand and being used as an ashtray at a local building supply store. My caption was “Still for Butts.”

    We recently got a low flush kind of toilet. It works okay but it hard to clean.

  15. eemilla Says:

    Sleeping in with your honey is always the best part of vacation whether you go anywhere or not. Glad you got to enjoy it!

  16. Benjamin Says:

    All I can say is :-) ;-) :-D. I have enjoyed this part of my day!

    Thank you Lord for puns and pictures, and her who brought them to us.

  17. Ariel Says:

    You are holding the smoking pun.

  18. Jeff Says:

    You even got in a pun on the word “privy”! You’re so good! Love the pictures – is the one with the horizontal lines in the bark domestic cherry? I have several trees that look like that on my property and was told that they were the edible kind of cherry that got out of control and grew way too high for mere mortals to enjoy the fruit.

  19. Ariel Says:

    So Cameron and I hung out last night after I got back from the J-school. He was reading and I was working on crocheting Catherine’s scarf. I showed him how to do a stitch, and he took forever to make it, and I was poking fun of him. Our conversation went something like this:

    Cameron said, “Yeah, if I made an entire scarf, it would take so long.”
    “Sew long?” I said.
    “What? Oh, wait. Sew. Haha.”
    “You’d need a stitch in time to finish a whole scarf at that rate.”
    “Uggh, that was terrible. Stop making fun of me,” he said.
    “Sorry, I didn’t mean to needle you.”
    “That’s such a bad pun! Cut it out.”
    “What, you’re not following the thread of this conversation?”
    “That was worse.”
    “Well, I’ve got to tell you, when we started this conversation, I was hooked,” I said, holding up the crochet hook.”
    “Ariel…”
    “It was quite a yarn.”
    By this point, he just shook his head and made a face.

    It was a masterwork of punnery, and it went so unappreciated. :( I thought you would sympathize, being the expert punner you are.

    • blueridgebluecollargirl Says:

      Well, I don’t mean to knit-pick, but I am shocked to hear that Cameron considered such masterful punnery to be cruel and unusual pun-ishment. You had me in stitches, for certain, and I’m no knit-wit. Your punnery, in my opinion, was a purl of great price.

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