We Will Always Remember the Colossal Closet Collapse of Aught Eight

One of the things that I like least about living in a trailer is how so much of it is built on a smaller scale.  The heights, the widths, the depths of everything is smaller—low ceiling heights,  narrower shelves and cabinets, and far more shallow kitchen drawers.  At least, that has been true of the three trailers I’ve lived in.  Of course, they have all been kind of old and a little shabby.  I understand that the newer ones are much more luxurious, with many accoutrements from the world of the rich and ostentatious. 

Not only are our shelves narrower, they are also more flimsy.  They are constructed of vinyl-coated wire and supported by rather thin metal brackets.  Our closet is a “walk-in” closet, but you can only sort of shuffle in sideways like a crab, and forget trying to turn around.  So I guess you’d call it more of a shuffle-in closet.  It would be a fine closet for Munchkins, but we are full-sized (O.K., make that fuller-sized) adults.  So our closet is stuffed to capacity.

Anyway, the other day, the kids and I were sitting on the front porch when we heard a BOOM! that seemed to come from the inside of our house.  We raced inside, thinking perhaps that a deer had crashed through our back sliding glass doors or that our ailing heat pump had finally blown up.  We looked around.  Nothing.  It was only when I went to my closet to look for shoes that I discovered the source of the sound. 

It was the sound made when the metal brackets your vinyl-coated shelves rest upon all bend together at once bringing down with them not only all the clothes on the shelves, but the clothes hung underneath (which were attached to the shoddy shelves) thereby crushing the clothes in the big Rubbermaid boxes beneath that.  Yep, it resulted in what was pretty much a solid, unmovable wall of clothes.  I couldn’t even open the closet door. 

And this capped a week when our old combo TV/VCR refused to turn on after a videotape got stuck in there, our heat pump air conditioner stopped cooling right, our heat pump thermostat went out of whack, and my Camry started making faint grinding noises.  And the poison-ivy rash that has tormented me all summer (making my lower right leg look like I have some hideous, disfiguring, communicable skin disease) is back.

So, what are we going to do?  Well, first…some cortisone cream for my leg from that economy-sized tube I got at Walmart.   And, as for the closet, Blue Ridge Blue Collar Man is on the case.  He’s constructing a closet that (as he says) is built like a brick out-house. (I love being married to a carpenter).   We’ll never have to worry again about colossal closet collapse calamities (at least in our bedroom).  And eventually, we’ll deal with the other stuff.

But for now, I’m all for a day of denial—a day spent out on our porch, reading a favorite book, eating an orange creamsicle,  and talking to my favorite companions, my really cool kids and husband.  A day spent thinking only of the present moment—the breeze caressing my face, the sweet clang of the bell on our neighbor’s cow, and the many shades of blue in the distant layers of mountains stretching out before me and in the brooding stormy sky.  Yep, that’s the ticket—a nice, long day of sloth and denial.

So, until then, I could use a little cheering up.  Tell me something that will make me laugh.  Or, at least, smile a little.  Please?

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8 Responses to “We Will Always Remember the Colossal Closet Collapse of Aught Eight”

  1. Bonnie Jacobs Says:

    Cheer #1 ~ I see that you are reading NEWS OF THE SPIRIT by Lee Smith. She’s a very good writer, and guess what? I met her about five or six years ago when she came to Chattanooga for the Festival of Southern Literature! No, we didn’t become the best of friends, but I did get to speak to her and get her to sign a book. I hope you enjoy that book, which I haven’t read (yet) … let me know if I should get a copy.

    Cheer #2 ~ I am terribly allergic to poison ivy and poison oak, having once had such a bad case that I had to farm out my children to my best friend and my mother and stay in bed (eyes swelled shut, nostrils and earlobes and lips swollen, rash in the roof of my mouth, going to the doctor for shots and excising of extremely enlarged patches, etc.). That’s background info so you’ll know my good news is worth trying. Except for any rash on your face, this will help:

    Run VERY HOT water over the rash, either under a faucet (for a small rash on a hand or arm) or in a shower, which I usually do. It must be RUNNING water, not just hot water you dip an elbow into (which doesn’t work). When I shower, I make the water as hot as I can stand it without burning myself, letting it pummel the rash (don’t you just want to beat it to death?). While you are under the rushing water, it will itch like crazy, but afterwards you will have relief for about three hours. Yes, truly, no itchiness for three hours. Only one of my doctors was already familiar with this treatment before I told him, but it really does work for me. None of the creams provides me much relief, but the hot water treatment helps it dry up faster than anything I’ve ever tried.

    When a neighbor and I were comparing poison ivy stories, he told me he used to be a park ranger and would itch so badly that, on coming out of the woods at the end of a hot day, he would “burn” his itchy arms by laying them on the sizzling hood of his truck. He says it stopped the itching. I think you could really BURN yourself that way, and I think a shower would cover the itchy areas better, but heat also worked for him.

    Good luck. Let me know if this works for you. Oh, yeah, the best part? Hot water doesn’t cost nearly as much as salves and creams!

  2. wesleyjeanne Says:

    Sounds like a lovely day nontheless. I know no jokes (am not a good comedian) but can send hugs. {{{{HUGS}}}

  3. June Says:

    I can’t come up with funny just now, but does my “being here” count for cheer? And this Sunday I’m going to have a Camera Critter entry that’s bound to make you smile. And I have a new Friday Fact this week. And did I mention that I always get a smile when I see a new post from you? Anyway…I can relate to the closet collapse. We have similar styled shelves in Florida houses and when you combine them with cheap drywall…well sooner or later it goes BOOM…and it did. How nice to have a carpenter…I’d take an electrician too :-) Finally, I think your view is spectacular and your railing sweet. It looks like a nice place to sit anytime, but especially when you’re escaping…

  4. Judy Says:

    What a day you went through! That is the most awesome porch and view I have ever seen. I would not ever get anything done if I had that spot near me. I would just sit out there and look at those mountains and read and think and enjoy the view. I am sorry about your closet collapse and your rash but I sure do envy you that restful spot in those beautiful mountains.

  5. Margie Miller Says:

    I have had a similar experience and I do not live in a trailer. I was home alone one day several years ago and heard the same “crash” you mention. It was one of my closet rods. It was overloaded with clothing and just couldn’t handle the load. It took me awhile to get it back up. I feel for your dilemma.

  6. CountryDew Says:

    White horse fell in a mud hole!

    That’s the only joke I know and I never got that one…

    I always found a mixture of bleach water helpful on my poison oak/ivy rashes. Going in a chlorine swimming pool will accomplish the same thing.

    Our closet fell apart some years ago. It does indeed make a mighty noise. Ah, the power of gravity!

  7. Clara Melvin Says:

    That sounds like one of my days…… I keep a clothes line in my laundry room to hang mostly my son’s clothes on as soon as I get them out of the dryer….(saves me a lot of steps trying to get them back upstairs) It broke one day last week….and what a pile of clothes I had to pick up.
    Here’s a joke my son told me the other day. A man (85 years old) was walking down the road. He spotted a frog and reached down and put it in his pocket. He kept walking…. He heard these words come from his pocket. “If you will kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess”. He kept walking. Again….”If you will kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess.” Nothing from the man…he kept walking. In a little while, he heard the same words…”IF YOU WILL KISS ME I WILL TURN INTO A BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS.” He finally replied, “At my age, I would rather have a talking frog.”

    (At my age, I would rather have the 85 year old man)!!!! No, I’m making a joke…..I thought that might make you smile. Keep smiling! Clara

  8. Jay Mullen Says:

    Our closet just collapsed last night. I want to thank you for the story it made me laugh and my wife laughed too as I read it to her while driving home. Some days…find the humor and move it on or risk being trapped under that shelf! Peace

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