A Passel of Personal Peeves

I’m feeling a little cranky these days, so I hope you don’t mind if I get a few things off my chest.  Sure, a riled-up rant doesn’t right wrongs, but when you’re rankled, raving can be a righteous remedy for relief.  Really.

You?  Oh, no, it’s nothing you did.  In fact, I’m addressing my rant directly to the guilty party, the proper rantee, or in this case, rantees. 

Rant #1

Dear people from whom we purchased this doublewide:

You must be feeling pretty smug these days to have found fools desperate enough to pay such an outrageous sum for your doublewide.  Not that I blame you for that—we made the choice to do so, and sometimes I think the sunrise alone is worth the price.  But anyway, that’s not what I’m writing about here.  I could write about the toxic waste you left in the garage or inquire as to how you managed to make so many large holes in the walls. And just how did that coffee end up on the ceiling anyway?  But that’s not what I need to discuss here either. 

No, Dear Sellers, what I want to say is this:  For the love of Pete, people, why did you leave us not one sheet of toilet paper when you left?  Not one dadgum sheet!  What kind of people actually take the partially-used rolls off the toilet paper holders when they leave?!!!  I’ll tell you who—cheap, cheeky chumps—that’s who.   It takes a merciless soul to intentionally leave another human being toilet paperless.  I’m no paragon of virtue, but every single time I’ve moved from a house, I’ve left not only toilet paper (with extra rolls!), but paper towels and soap, as well.  It’s the decent, humane thing to do. 
 
Didn’t your Mama teach you that?

Rant #2

Dear Cashiers from two different stores that shall remain nameless:

Perhaps you meant well when you asked me if I wanted the Senior Citizen’s discount.  But to be asked that twice in one week was a little hard on my fragile, 50-year-old ego.  Trust me, when I turn 55, I’ll be the first to let you know.  But until then, it might be better, unless you are absolutely certain of a person’s…ahem…mature status, to wait for them to ask for the discount.  Especially since you have a large sign with large print announcing it right at the register.

Or maybe you thought I couldn’t read it…because of my advanced, ripe old age.

Rant #3

Dear Cashier at the grocery store that rhymes with Jingles:
 
I was pretty excited to have that coupon for the Russell Stover’s Chocolate Rabbit.  Even though my kids are in college now, I still enjoy putting together a little Easter basket for them.  We’re on a budget, and the candy they usually get is more Hershey’s than Russell Stover’s, so I was particularly pleased to be able to get such a “fancy” treat.  Chocolate connoisseurs may smirk, but Russell Stover’s is lavish stuff for us.

You scanned the rabbit, and I smiled and handed you the coupon.  You studied it for a moment, picked the rabbit up and looked at it, then handed the coupon back with a curiously smug look on your face. 

“I can’t take that,” you said.

I was baffled.  “Why not?”

You announced, in a self-righteous tone, “This coupon is for the HOLLOW Russell Stover rabbit.”  Then you smirked.  “Your rabbit is solid.”

I looked at you, open-mouthed with disbelief.  No, not disbelief that the coupon actually said that.  In fact, when I looked at it again, I realized it indeed said “Hollow Rabbit.”  But I was incredulous that you would take such obvious pride in denying a simple, cents-off coupon to someone because they had the solid rabbit instead of the hollow one.  And the look you gave me—strangely triumphant and accusatory at the same time.  I mean, you would have thought you’d caught me trying to slip the rabbit out in my purse.  Oh yeah, you’re a noble one, you are, valiantly fighting those desperados like me who would actually try to sneak those hollow rabbit coupons past your eagle eyes.  You must be so proud.  I’m surprised you didn’t shout, “Security!  Coupon outlaw!” and ask them to pat me down for more illicit coupons. 

I pointed out to you that the solid rabbit was actually more expensive than the hollow one, but you were adamant, secure in your position of moral superiority.   So I put away my money and handed you back the rabbit.  “I guess I won’t get it then.”

So, congratulations.  You won, but your store lost a sale and the good will of a new customer.  And it wasn’t so much that you refused me the coupon—maybe they train you to be completely inflexible about coupons, and you were just following policy.  It was the fact that you seemed so self-satisfied about it and the way you looked at me like I was committing a criminal act instead of just trying to buy a chocolate rabbit.  Pardon the pun, but I would have to say that was a “hollow” victory for both you and the store you represent.

So there you have it—my picayune, paltry, perhaps petty personal peeves. 

Whew.  Thanks.  I feel better already.

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11 Responses to “A Passel of Personal Peeves”

  1. June Says:

    You go girl! I can’t believe not one sheet of toilet paper…and I totally understand your angst at the coupon cashier. Lately I’ve had my share of “situations” with service staff (and I’m using the term loosely): cashiers, waiters, etc. You’d think from the way they treat you that business was booming. It’s amazing to me that they don’t get it…or their employers either. If they can’t live the golden rule as human beings, they should at least consider the benefits to the bottom line.

  2. marion Says:

    Ah, yes, the coupon dictator! I once had a cashier GLARE daggers at me, then whip out a pair of scissors from a pocket in her apron, so she could trim the 1/8th inch off the bottom of the coupon!! I mean, exCUSE ME! I’d actually only cut the sides and top of the coupon, leaving the bottom…gasp!…untrimmed.

    Power currupts.

  3. luckypennies Says:

    Ahahahahhahahahahaha! I would laugh so hard aloud if my roommate weren’t currently sound asleep. :D

    I hope you’ve finally let the rabbit issue go. As much as we love our Easter baskets, we’d rather you not start a rabbit war with the cashier. Or be boiled up inside over chocolate rabbits. I think you’re going to take this to your deathbed…”Hey Ariel, remember that rabbit 50 years ago?”

    Also, you do not look fifty. You are beautiful. Your lovely face does not bely your almost “mature status.”

  4. luckypennies Says:

    Also, Marion: That’s hilarious! That sounds like something out of Seinfeld. I can’t even believe that really happened, it’s so ridiculous.

  5. Bonnie Jacobs Says:

    Yup, yup, yup! You have every right to gripe about such things, which are not (by the way) “picayune, paltry, perhaps petty personal peeves” at all. You go, girl! That was fun, wasn’t it? Now, take a deep breath, release it slowly, slowly. Now hold your arms down at your sides and shake, shake, shake your hands … to rid yourself of all that emotional baggage deposited by thoughtless people. You don’t deserve to be burdened with it any longer. *Sigh* and relax … and smile contentedly at how you USED those irritations to entertain us, your blog readers.

  6. Benjamin Says:

    Too-terrible, toilet tricks
    The senior citizen’s senseless self-esteem-slayer
    The burdening bunny battle…

    This is what we love about your blog!

    ;-D

  7. bluemountainmama Says:

    haha!!!! rant on….. it’s good for the soul now and again.

  8. Shannon Says:

    Oh gravy, that’s just written so well and so funny.

    Seriously, please print a copy of this off and mail it to the store. Things never change unless you tell them. If you don’t have a printer, please e-mail what store it is and I’ll do it for you. It’s a shame when people have so much time to be snarky to each other. Shannon

  9. colleen Says:

    But I like the blue striped wall paper.

    Years ago my son’s father and I bought a trailer. It came with roaches!

  10. CountryDew Says:

    Too much! Toilet paper is definitely a must-have and I’m sure as you were moving it wasn’t high on your list of things to be sure you had the minute you walked in the door. And as for customer service – what customer service! You go girl!

  11. Benjamin Says:

    Just dropping by again to say hi…and to say I got you a personal message and autograph from Lee Smith.

    I love you and look forward to seeing you in about a month!

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